![]() Now that my dad was gone there was no one to be my shield against mom.“Riley, Nolan has to go to college next year. If he had a terminal illness I would have been prepared but an accident? I guess I deserved it because it certainly isn’t normal to not completely break down at a funeral, especially when it is your father’s. Everyone at the funeral gave me weird looks and were talking behind my back. “I love you,” five years later those were his last words before he left home and his car crashed into a truck. Whenever mom scolded me he would take me out to get ice cream or play hopscotch with me, which I knew he absolutely hated. I guess mom really did cast a spell on him. He gave me a chocolate and asked for forgiveness because the painting thing was all his idea. And there was this one time we painted the kitchen and ourselves but mom scolded me. Probably the only person in the world who loved me. For now why don’t we go get some ice cream without telling them?”It was my dad. Don’t worry I’ll scold him and make sure he lets you share the guitar. “ I think your mother has cast a spell on him. I rushed out of the room trying to hide my tears when a pair of arms engulfed me. “Yes mom, I swear she’ll break the strings one day,” Nolan suddenly appeared out of nowhere, rolling his eyes. “You can not Riley! That guitar is for your brother and not for you.” I was ten, and starting to realise how differently mom behaved with us. Come down sweetheart, mommy is waiting for you. “Weeeee!! Mommy look I came down before him,”I said beaming with pride. He was two years older and twice a coward. “Smile! Okay now come down Nolan, the slide isn’t that scary,” mom asked him after clicking the photograph. I always made fun of him for feeling cold and he always said that I must be an alien for wearing those clothes in November. He had a terrified expression on his face, a smile as big as the sky was plastered on my face. ![]() He was wearing black pants with a yellow handwoven sweater and a woollen cap, I was wearing blue shorts and a green t-shirt. It was me and my brother Nolan, playing on a slide. ![]() “Did I not throw all the pictures away?” My eyebrows crashed while bending to pick it up. While flipping through the pages of one of the books with incomprehensible terms, something fell out and slid in front of my feet. I think I added more to my troubles though. Most people want to be a psychologist to help others or the money perhaps, but I thought maybe I could help myself. My voice wouldn’t have allowed that dream to live anyway. “I want to be a singer when I grow up”, well look where I am now. Then there were my psychology books- why were there so many, and so heavy? The amount of dust on them just shows how much I read them. All of my clothes were messed up but that barely took three minutes to sort I am also not fond of dressing up. I thought of cleaning the room because I had some free time and my mind tends to think of very hurtful things when there is nothing to do. These things mean attachment and I despise that feeling. I am not a huge fan of keeping things for ‘memories’ or hanging pictures on the walls. The room, although very small, wasn't cluttered and that made it look a little more spacious. A single bed, an almirah on the right side, some space for my legs and that’s it. A room big enough for just me and my useless stuff. I stumbled upon one of the only good memories of my life while cleaning my room. Eighteen years I want to erase from my memory. ![]() I froze in my place holding the photograph in my hand.
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